Being a beginner, again.

beginning

When I start I know I am not going to be able to finish it. That really worries me and therefor I question myself a lot before I even start. Which of course I won’t be able to answer because I already thought of something else that I need to question first. This is the never ending circle and leads to the same point every time. It discourages me and forces me to end dreams. They better be in a thrash can than in my head.
2022
Yet here I am, it’s 2022 and this is the 100th blog I am trying to write and post. The latter is important as I don’t arrive at the part of posting my writing. When I dissect my thoughts and the process that follows I see a bright and clear reason. Fear.

 

What I fear? Life and everything in it. I know that is very problematic as I don’t life in a dangerous environment and still I feel that is hostile. Threads are around the corner and I can be wear armor and still feel defenseless.

 

There is one big but. I keep on trying to escape it, at times even fight it. That’s why this is another attempt. I long for the feeling of being in control and I know that this longing is futile. I don’t know how someone will react and that is a good thing, even if it frightens me.

 

I am here, Kevin the beginner, I started and try to go on. That is what I aim for, just to go on every time. Again and again.